


H.M. - Pt. 7/?

by WinterReadingerDixon67



Series: Help Me [7]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Remembers, F/M, Feels, Steve's pissed, Tags Contain Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 16:03:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8851264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterReadingerDixon67/pseuds/WinterReadingerDixon67
Summary: After finding out what happens, things take a turn for the worst.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Reader’s POV/Steve’s POV, FYI the flashback takes place between CA:WS & Age of Ultron, and Pierce is still alive (obviously). It's a long part because I can't help myself and I don't know when to end a part.

You watched as Bruce and Tony connected the cords to the screen. You were scared shitless at what you were about to see. Bucky’s hand took hold of yours as they finished the processes.

“What was it like, Buck? W-When they, when y-you...” He moved in your line of sight, to cut off your view of what the two men were doing.

“It didn’t hurt, but...there was a tingling sensation, but I was in control. You don’t need to do this if you’re not ready.” You shook your head, squeezing his hand tighter.

“No, I need to do this. I need to know what happened.” You looked at him, seeing hope in his eyes, they gave you comfort the longer you gazed at them. “C-Can you stay with me?” Bucky lifted your hand to his lips, kissing it softly. 

“I’m not going anywhere, doll.” He said, sitting in the chair beside you.

“Whenever you’re ready, (Y/N), just say the word,” Tony asked you one last time before starting.

“I’m ready, Tony, but I have c-complete control, right?” He nodded, turning to Bruce who was checking over the last few vital signs on the monitors.

“Complete control. Now if you’re both ready, let’s get started.” There was a small hum from the machine, the glass screen in front of the group flickered on. Blurry figures focused on the screen, pushing a hunched man in the room followed by a woman. You. Your gaze flew to Bucky’s, his jaw tightened. You turned back to the screen, studying the screen as the scene played out.

\------------------

_Two Hydra agents dragged the man into the room, his feet sliding on the floor behind him with Pierce leading the way. Johansson pulled you along with the rest of the group with a tight grip on your arm. They were smarter this time, making sure your hands were handcuffed and locked to the metal waistband, so none of them would be knocked out by you._

_You watched as the two men stripped Bucky out of his tactical gear, leaving him only in his black pants. His robotic arm reflecting from the overhead lights as they strapped him to the chair, gearing him up for another ‘lesson’. Ever since he met Steve Rogers on the bridge, his memories have been coming back more frequently. Which meant you were brought in more and more to handle him. Because the more he remembered, the more he lashed out, so you ended up always being exhausted. They uncuffed your hands and shoved you towards him, Pierce coming to stand beside you._

_“You know what to do, just make sure you don’t mess this up.” He snarled into your ear, before taking his place next to Rumlow and Johansson. You made your way to the small table that housed your tools and got to work. You cringed when Bucky screamed from the electric shocks shooting up his metal arm and throughout his body. You questioned him, asking him if he knew the reason why he was being punished. He begged, pleaded for you to stop, to help him, but you couldn’t. Not without having to face the consequences._

_Bucky’s body sagged into the chair, shuddering from every intake of breath. Putting your tools to the side, you made your way over to Pierce, nodding your head. You swallowed the bile coming up your throat when Pierce kissed your head. Standing by waiting for further orders, you watched the men in white lab coats hooked him up to begin the process all over again. His screams echoed off the walls, tearing at your heart. But you followed orders, you behaved well, which meant you would be rewarded. You smiled inwardly knowing you’d be seeing Jamie again. Just for a little while._

_\------------------_  

**_CRACK!_ **

_Your head whipped back from the force of Rumlow’s hand. He and two other goons burst into your cell in the early hours of the morning only to shove you against the wall with such force you saw stars. You gasped for breath when Rumlow kneed your gut, you clutched your stomach in pain._

_“You know how much trouble you caused? Hope you’re ready to explain what the fuck just happened.” He whistled at the two men and stormed out of the room, the men dragging you behind. Struggling against them was pointless, but it didn’t hurt to try. It didn’t take long until you were standing in front Pierce, who did not look happy._

_“Oh, my dear, dear, (Y/N), what on earth am I going to do with you?” He asked while taking off his glasses, rubbing his eyes. “Let me remind you, you work for me, you work for Hydra. I control you and I can do whatever I want. But after this very unfortunate event, I’m afraid I think it’s time_ you _learned a thing or two.” He stalked towards you, grabbing the back of your hair, tearing some from the roots. “Now, would you care to explain to me why our greatest weapon, the Asset went rogue and abandoned his mission? Or do I have to pull it out of you until you’re begging me to stop?” You cried out when he yanked your hair up higher, hands holding onto his wrists._

_“I-I don’t k-know what h-happened! Bu-the Asset was doing fine, I-I don’t know! Please!!” Pierce, hauled you across the room, handing you over to Rumlow. He put his glasses and jacket back on, before turning to you._

_“I really hope you had no part of it, my dear, or things are going to become very unpleasant.” He said, facing Rumlow, “Toss her back in her cell, I’ll deal with her later. If she resists, shoot her in the leg.” He left the room, leaving you in the hands of Rumlow, who was chuckling deeply in your ear._

_“You heard him, sweetheart, wouldn’t want to scar this beautiful skin.” His hand grazed your waist, before towing you back to your cell._

_\------------------_

_“You’re in some deep shit, sweetheart!” Rumlow’s voice bellowed down the hall, his heavy footsteps grew closer to your cell. You shrunk into the corner of your bed, but couldn’t get far, due to the handcuffs. It’s been a week since Bucky’s disappearance and each day that passed became worse for you. You had the scars to prove it. The door swung open, Rumlow scanned your room, dark eyes landing on your shrunk frame._

_“There you are, sweetheart,” he stormed towards you, grabbing the back of your neck, bringing your face close to his. “You’re in big trouble now.” He took hold of your bound hands and pulled you off the bed, causing you to cry out in pain when your knees slammed against the cold concrete. That didn’t stop him, though, he continued to drag you down the hallway, and your feet struggled to keep up with him. He reached the door at the end of the hallway, two Hydra agents opened the doors with smirks on their faces. Rumlow roughly picked you up and put you in front of him, his grip leaving definite bruises on your arms._

_“My sweet, (Y/N), I am very disappointed in you.” Pierce turned around, a tablet in his hand. “Can you tell me what this is?” He flipped the screen towards you, showing the security feed of Bucky’s last wiping. It showed you unhooking the wires from his arm after you handled him last, your head close to his ear. “No listen carefully, wouldn’t want you to miss this.” You heard your words come from the speaker._

_‘Remember, Steve Rogers is your friend. Find him and you will find yourself, Bucky. Remember who you were, not who you are. I am so sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you, but please forget about me.’ The screen turned off, leaving you scared. You weren’t expecting them to hear that and you wished you never said anything. Pierce handed the screen over to the agent closest to him, leaning closer to you, cupping your face softly._

_“I really wish it never had to come to this my dear, but you did lie to me and that is not okay with me.” He kissed your forehead, nodding at Rumlow. “But we need to teach you a lesson. Hopefully, it sticks this time.” He stepped back and let Rumlow take over. A shiver ran down your spine when Rumlow’s hot breath hit your neck, hands tightening on your arms._

_“Hope you have a high pain tolerance, (Y/N), trust me, you’re going to need it.”_

_Before you could respond, a fist came right at you, making contact with the side of your face. One hitting your side, cracking your ribs in the process. You kicked out at the one closest to you, causing his knee to bend backward. He fell to the ground screaming, clutching his leg. You smirked at him, preparing yourself for the next attacker. The agent's hand swung at you, but you blocked it with your hands. You threw your head back, breaking Rumlow’s nose, his hold on you loosening. Breaking free, you knocked the other agent off his feet and rushed towards the door. You screamed when your hair was yanked back, pulling your face the bloody coated face of Rumlow._

_“You shouldn’t have done that, sweetheart,” he kneed your stomach, threw you to the ground and kicked your cracked ribs, some of them breaking. “Now you’re going to pay.” He said as he spat the blood out of his mouth, his smirk alone making you feel sick. He was about to kick you again when Pierce stopped him._

_“Stop. Let’s try a different tactic,” Pierce smiled at you, “bring him out.” The door on the opposite side of the door swung open, Johansson came walking out with his arm around your son's shoulder. You scrambled to your feet, but Rumlow held you back._

_“Jaimie!"_  

_“Mom!” He too tried to rush towards you, but Johansson held his arm back._

_“Let him go, let go of my son!” You screamed at Pierce, desperately trying to wrestle out of Rumlow’s arms. Jamie began to cry, reaching his hands to you. “Don’t cry baby, mommy’s okay, everything will be okay.”_  

_“Oh, but will it, (Y/N)? You knew the risks and the consequences that came from betraying us. Come here, son,” Pierce held out his hand to them. Johansson brought Jamie over to him. “Your mom didn’t follow the rules, do you know what happens to those who don’t follow the rules?” When Jaimie didn’t answer him, he nodded at Rumlow who slapped you across the face. “Answer me and your mom won’t get hurt. Now, answer the question.”_

_“No, sir,” Jaimie answered quietly, his chocolate brown eyes looking at yours. Pierce smiled down at him._

_"_ _Good boy!” ruffling Jaimie’s hair, pointing at you, “You see, (Y/N), at least someone knows who’s in charge.” You fought harder against Rumlow’s hold, wanting to pull Jaimie into your arms again. Pierce knelt down in front of Jaimie. “Now be a good boy and stay here. Disobey me and I’ll hurt your mother, understood?” Jaimie nodded his head. Pierce stood up and walked towards you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear._

_“Drastic times call for drastic measures and you, my dear, have pulled the last straw.” The look in his eyes were dark, a hidden meaning behind them, one that sent a bad sign. “Johansson, if you please.” You looked over his shoulder at Johansson, who was making his way over to Jaimie, pulling a gun from his holster. Jaimie’s eyes widened when he saw you go pale._

_“Mom, what’s going on?” Jaimie whimpered, you smiled encouragingly fighting to keep your composure._

_“Don’t worry, baby, everything will be alright. You’re so brave, baby, you’re father would’ve been so proud of you. Stay strong for me, okay? We’ll be out of here soon.” He gave you a tear streaked smile. You turned your attention back to Pierce.  
_

_“Please, p-please don’t hurt him. He’s j-just a boy, this wasn’t his fault, p-please...he’s just a boy.” You begged him, pleaded with him to let your son go._  

_“Oh I know, dear, but this is_ your _fault. This is all...on...you.” The next few seconds went by so fast you didn’t even have a chance to blink, as a shot fired from Johansson’s gun._

_You screamed out, fighting against Rumlow’s hold on you. Thrashing your legs at Pierce, managing to kick his side. He slapped you, but you didn’t care. You crashed onto the floor when your knees buckled underneath you. The men stepped aside and watched as you crawled over to the lifeless form, ignoring the small puddle of blood pooling around his head. Your hand hovered over the bullet wound on the side of his head, vision blurring. You carefully laid your son’s head on your lap, brushing the chestnut curls from his cold face._

_“Jaimie, baby…wake up. Please, p-please, y-you can’t leave me...I-I’m so sorry, J-Jaimie, I’m so sorry.” You hugged his lifeless body to your chest and then laid him gently on the ground. You glared daggers at Johansson, “Johansson, you bitch! He was just a boy! A boy you sick, twisted Hydra bastard!”_

_Whatever life you had left, was ripped away from you. Your_ son _was taken from you. So when the Hydra agents came to pull you away, you didn’t even resist. Why would you? You had nothing to live for anymore anyway. Bucky was gone, free from this world, your husband long dead, Jaimie...your life was over. Pierce stood next to Rumlow._

_“You know what to do with the boy and for (Y/N), wipe her. Wipe her and dump her somewhere, we’ve got more important work to do.”_

_The last thing you remembered was your son being picked up and wheeled out of the room. You welcomed the pain, hoping it would kill you rather than make you forget. Tears cascading down your face as the machine did its job._

_\--------------------_

You ripped the pads and wires off you, the screen turning black, as you scrambled away from the others. You couldn’t believe what you just watched, what had just happened. Not sure if it was true or just sick memory implant Hydra put into your head to just fuck you up even more. You thought this procedure would give you the answers you so desperately wanted, but now, now you wished you never did this damn thing in the first place. You wished you were never recruited by HYDRA, wished you had never met Bucky, wished that you had never watched that fucking memory of his. Your life would’ve been a whole lot simpler if Hydra had just killed you in the first place.

The horrified and pained expressions on the men’s faces didn’t help either. They just witnessed what happened. Sure this happened a little over four years ago, but it felt as if it just happened yesterday. Noises came from all around you, but nothing registered, nothing was making sense to you anymore. The room spiraled into various colors, distorting the figures rushing towards your falling frame. Before you even had the chance to hit the ground, strong arms, one cool, one warm, caught you. Bucky’s wet blue eyes bore into yours, his hair tickling your cheek, he held you tight against him as you slammed your clenched fists to his chest.

“He was just a boy! A child! Why didn’t they kill me instead? I should’ve died in his place! He’s gone, Bucky, my boy, my little boy…” You cried out in agony, pain, anger. “HE’S GONE!! HE’S GONE AND IT’S ALL MY FAULT!”

Bucky sat on the floor with you on his lap, each time your fists collided with his chest, sent a pang of pain straight to his heart. One hurting more than the previous one, each one becoming more painful than the first, but it just made him hold onto you tighter. The scenes replaying over in his mind, you torturing him again, telling him to trust the man on the bridge, how he left and never came back. How he could’ve prevented Jaimie’s death, saved you both from this whole nightmare. Bucky knew he shouldn’t dwell on the matter right now, you needed him more than ever. Pushing all other thoughts aside and took your fists in stride.

He held you until you could no longer move due to exhaustion. You breath was ragged, small soft cries falling from your lips. You clung to Bucky’s strong frame, feeling a sense of ease and comfort from his embrace. How you longed to feel other arms around you, chestnut curls tickle your face again, to be called mom again. But you know that would never happen. You didn’t struggle when Bucky stood up with you in his arms. With no extra energy to move, your body sagged to his chest. Bucky spoke to Bruce and Tony, placing a tender kiss on your head as extra comfort. 

“No one finds out about this, not yet. (Y/N)’s in no place to have everyone come up to her. Tony, make sure no one, and I mean _no one_ sees that footage. We don’t need this to get out, I’d rather not have the news get a hold of this.” Tony agreed with no hesitation, taking care of the matter right away. Informing FRIDAY to put up the lockdown he created for reasons just like this. Bruce informed Bucky to come see him if _anything_ comes up, more memories and the like.

For the rest of the night, you stayed in Bucky’s embrace staring off into space. Terrified to close your eyes for just a few seconds. Each time you did, all you saw was the cold, lifeless, blood covered form of your little Jaimie. When the memory became too much to bear, you burrowed yourself deeper into Bucky’s chest, flinching from the tiniest of sounds. It got to the point where Bucky had to switch spots with you on the bed, maneuvering you closer to the wall, with his back to the door. His arms wrapped tightly around you in a protective manner, a loaded gun was at the ready and within reach, prepared to protect you from anything or _anyone_ who could come in and hurt you. You were glad of the gesture, but all you wanted was the bed to swallow you whole.

\-------------- 

_Steve’s POV_

 

“Steve, you can’t be serious? Are you out of your mind? This wasn’t her fault!” Nat hissed at me, clearly very upset with my fair choice of words about (Y/N). She can be angry at me all she wants, but I can’t have my friend get hurt again, I wasn’t going to have myself be fooled again. 

“Say all you want, Nat. I’ve lost Bucky once and I will not lose him again. It was my fault in the first place he ended up in the hands of Hydra and to find out that (Y/N)’s been his _handler_ for what, the last three some years before h-he had the guts to actually run away from those assholes? No, I won’t have it. As far as I’m concerned, (Y/N) worked for Hydra, helped Rumlow and Pierce torture Bucky, hurt him, and abused him. I’m sorry, but that’s all I can think about.”

I left Nat standing there, not really caring how harsh my words were. But just the thought or mention of (Y/N)’s name set me on edge. I needed to talk to Bucky, talk some sense into him before he got hurt even worse. Even if it meant having Fury kick (Y/N) off the team. If it put a target on my back, so be it, but there was no chance in hell I was going to have some former Hydra agent hurt him anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I already know I'm going to get a lot of comments and shit about this chapter, but don't worry!! There's a good 4-5 more parts! 
> 
> *runs to hide in a corner & whispers quietly* please don't hate me


End file.
